a birth story

So, pretty much all day the 12th i was contracting, but nothing to severe. I figured once it became painful I would go into the hospital. At 2 am I went to bed after going on the internet. At 5 am I awoke with a start. And I hurt, badly. I waddled to the kitchen where Giovanna was, and she just stared at me, dumbstruck. I noticed that my pants were wet. Did I pee myself or did my water break? I wasn't sure. I went to the bathroom and saw that the fluid was pinkish. I knew my water had broken. The babies were coming. The bed rest wasn't enough to prevent them from wanting to get out. I called my doctor and Giovanna helped me change clothes and get my suitcase and head out the door. On the way there we called my father and sister and grandparents. At the hospital the doctor hooked me up to all of my machines and told me that the babies were under severe stress. with the water already broken there was a high risk for an infection. they had no choice, the babies had to be born. i just couldn't do anything but put my head back and let Giovanna wipe away my tears. I was rolled into the operating room, just me, myself, and I. I thought that I wanted Giovanna to be there with me, but last minute I realized that I could do this on my own. I had the strength to see my children be born and experience the miracle of life, the miracle of my children's birth, however scary it may be.

One by one I heard the doctor call out their genders and the time they were born. First, a boy, born exactly an hour from when i had woken up. Next, a girl, and lastly, another girl, identical to the previous one. All alive, but all very sick.

When I FINALLY got to see them i went numb. I didn't cry. I loved them more than anything. And yet I knew that if they made it, it would have to have been a miracle, because they are just SO small and they have too many machines hooked up to them. All I want to do is be with them, but I can't because of how sick they are.

I love them all SO much. But I feel so sick in my heart. All i'm left to do is stay in the hospital and try to recover from the c-section. But I just wish I could be there for them.

Nothing severe has happened yet, no collapsed lungs or anything. Hopefully it stays that way. Please pray for them though, they're all i have left.