Passover

This Passover has been a different one, this is for sure. But this holiday always reminds me to be happy for what I have, and to stop focusing on what I don't have.

I'm thankful I have a beautiful and healthy little girl, one that keeps me smiling and laughing (if you didn't know, I have the best baby in the world, NO BIG DEAL)

I'm thankful that I have a beautiful little sister that is about to set out on the biggest journey of her life, and I'm so proud of all that she has done to get there.

I'm thankful for my incredible father, who like my sister is about to set out on a journey of his own, and even though he'll be far away I'm unbelievably proud that he is able to follow his dreams.

I'm thankful for my grandparents, that even though the both of them have been gone for a month now, that they are able to be together, wherever they are.

I'm thankful that G-d let them go together, and peacefully. They lived a glorious, beautiful, and long life.

I'm thankful for the opportunities in my own life, the chance to move to a new country and improve on my career and education to hopefully make my own daughter proud of me.

I'm thankful that my daughter's family in New Zealand was able to survive the devastation of the Christchurch earthquake.

I'm thankful that my cousins fighting for revolution in Yemen are safe, at least today, and that their hard work will hopefully be paying off soon.

And most of all, I am thankful for the beautiful and incredible man I had in my life, and that last month on our one year anniversary I was able to have my daughter on my lap as we blew out your birthday candle and shared the top tier of our wedding cake, and I am thankful for my beautiful and strong mother that was able to raise me to be who I am today, hopefully half as strong as she was.

Yes, this summer will be the beginning of some new adventures. I'm moving to Brussels, my sister is moving to Rolle, Switzerland to go to one of the most prestigious boarding schools in the world, my father is moving to Florida to become one of the head pastry chefs at the Disneyworld resort. It's going to be hard, for me probably the most, but I'm unbelievably proud of the three of us, I have to say...That almost a year later we will be picking up the pieces of our broken hearts and starting over in a new place, where nobody knows us. We'll all make it, and we'll always come back to Paris together I am sure.

By this time next year, I hope to have reached my five goals:
1. Forgive myself for not protecting my children.

2. Sleep at night peacefully again without being overcome with loneliness.

3. Be able to look at a picture of Jacob without staring and crying.

4. Make sure Avélaine is never, ever surrounded by bad energy.

5. Learn to love again.

P.S. Sorry for dropping off the edge of the earth...again...