just when the pain eases up a bit...

I find out one of the most important people in my life has been keeping a secret.
HIV positive. Never thought about it much. Now it's all I can think about.

pray this DOESN'T happen

http://www.citizen.co.za/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=129564&catid=29:world-news&Itemid=53

my dove flew away yesterday.

"“Jonas, Jonas,” they would say loudly, as they had once said the name of Caleb. The Giver would lead the chant. Together they would let Jonas’s presence in their lives fade away as they said his name in unison more slowly, softer and softer, until he was disappearing from them, until he was no more than an occasional murmur and then, by the end of the long day, gone forever, not to be mentioned again.

Behind him, across the vast distances of space and time, from the place he had left, he thought he heard music too.
But perhaps it was only an echo."
-The Giver

Seconds before he passed away, with my hand on Jonas's head, he looked at me and smiled as he closed his eyes. I hope he felt his body become strong, and saw his Daddy's arm's outstretched towards him. Don't worry, baby. I'll never forget you for a second.

The doctor's were always amazed at Jonas's response to sound. It's his special song now. I chose this version because this little boy voice reminds me of him, almost as if he's singing to me...




taking some time off. then it's time for me to do a huge life change.

i know i said i wouldn't blog anymore

but PLEASE pray for my little Jonas. Pray for a recovery from his latest brain bleed. Please. A world without my sweet little boy is just no world at all. He has a beautiful life ahead of him that he needs to have. Thank you.

Au Revoir.

My life has been insane lately, and I only see it getting crazier in the future.
I can already tell that I won't have any time to blog anymore. Finding time to even check my email is beginning to be a struggle.

Thank you for listening to my vents since I started this thing. My hopes, dreams, and thoughts have all spilled out into my little blog and it's been really fun. I'll check in every so often but for now I'm saying good-bye to blogging.

I never thought my fabulous destiny would involve all that it has, but i'm ready to see what else is in store for me and my family.

Shalom,
Amélie

P.S. Happy Rosh Hashanah :)

i feel so pitiful.

my sister showed me these, all of her favorite lullabies and songs. Alouette was HER song and I would always play this tape for her. she got her nickname Alouette for loving this song so much.
I can't believe I'm planning her Bat Mitzvah. She's really becoming a young woman. If this is so traumatizing I can only imagine how awful it will be with my own children. Gosh I can't wait to introduce them to these songs :) For now I'm just laying here before I have to get up, listening to these song and remembering my baby Angie before I go wake her.










(this one is in german but it is so ka-yoot! Ang used to always say schni-schnei-schnappi-schnappi-schnappi-schnap about a million times a day)


Please keep my friend Claire in your thoughts, she is going through so much right now and has been my rock through the past few months, so if she goes down i go down right with her.

Thanks for your thoughts towards Avelaine and Jonas, I think they are working because they are growing every day <3

Changes

It's been a lonnnng day.
After I went to the hospital to visit the little ones, and even though i'm still supposed to relax from the c-section i had no other choice but to move today. I moved into Angélique's old room, she took my parents, and Jeffrey gets the spare bedroom. My dad is moving to Scotland he decided a few weeks ago, so now I am in charge of the bakery. I'm a little nervous for this but i've been working there since I was a teenager so i'm hoping I can keep everything under control and get respect from the bakers and other employees. I'm also nervous about being Angélique's guardian. I'm afraid it will be hard to strike a balance between being her sister and being her mother figure. I also really need to buckle down and getting working on her Bat Mitzvah. So much stuff to do.

I'm so exhausted right now, goodnight.

just woke up, feeling peaceful.

All these quotes are so beautiful!

"An Angel in the book of life wrote down our babies birth, and whispered as she close the book....."Too beautiful for earth."

"Some say you are too painful to remember, I say you are too precious to forget!"



Baby A became Jonas Léon Armand, Jonas for starting with a J and having five letters like Jacob, and the fact that it means "dove" a sign for peace. Just before Jacob died he had finally read The Giver, which made him fall in love with this name. Léon and Armand are for my wonderful grandfather and father. I particularly like that Léon means lion, a fierce and strong animal like Jonas. His Hebrew name is Feivel Shlomo. I always knew I would have a little Feivel, and I'm so happy it is him. He is believed to have Cerebral Palsy which I am more than prepared to handle. I love him so much.


Baby B, my beautiful angel baby, became Ysaline Ekaterina Mathilde. (ee-zah-LEEN) Before Jacob died I was really trying to crack down on naming these babies, I gave him the Meilleurs Prenoms book and told him to make a list of his top 10 favourite girls names. When I found the list after he died it looked like this:
FAV. GIRLS NAMES
1. Ysaline
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
So, she was named by him.
Before Jacob died, we had been trying to find out about his European family that he had no information about. We came across this lady, named Zosia Ekaterina. After he died I uncovered more info about her. She was a relative of Jacob's that housed people during the Holocaust, not just Jews, but gypsies, and homosexuals, and anyone that the Nazis were after. Katia, as she was called, was a savior. Just like my little girl is my savior. So, there was nothing else to name her. Mathilde is for my beautiful Maman. Her Hebrew name is Erela Ahuviah ("angel" and "loved by God").


Baby C became Avelaine Shirin Anahira (shih-REEN). Avelaine was suggested by my mother before she died. It also means "nut" and Lainey has always been my little peanut. Shirin is for my grandmother, and Anahira is a Maori name meaning "angel" which can honor both auntie Angélique and Daddy.
I plan on her Hebrew name being Aviva Zlata. Aviva means life, which i hope with every fiber of my being that she can hang on to.


Words can't express how much I love my children and how much they inspire me. They are such fighters and they are my heroes! I miss Ysa so much but I feel as if she is in a better place with her Daddy.

Today is a brand new day.

a birth story

So, pretty much all day the 12th i was contracting, but nothing to severe. I figured once it became painful I would go into the hospital. At 2 am I went to bed after going on the internet. At 5 am I awoke with a start. And I hurt, badly. I waddled to the kitchen where Giovanna was, and she just stared at me, dumbstruck. I noticed that my pants were wet. Did I pee myself or did my water break? I wasn't sure. I went to the bathroom and saw that the fluid was pinkish. I knew my water had broken. The babies were coming. The bed rest wasn't enough to prevent them from wanting to get out. I called my doctor and Giovanna helped me change clothes and get my suitcase and head out the door. On the way there we called my father and sister and grandparents. At the hospital the doctor hooked me up to all of my machines and told me that the babies were under severe stress. with the water already broken there was a high risk for an infection. they had no choice, the babies had to be born. i just couldn't do anything but put my head back and let Giovanna wipe away my tears. I was rolled into the operating room, just me, myself, and I. I thought that I wanted Giovanna to be there with me, but last minute I realized that I could do this on my own. I had the strength to see my children be born and experience the miracle of life, the miracle of my children's birth, however scary it may be.

One by one I heard the doctor call out their genders and the time they were born. First, a boy, born exactly an hour from when i had woken up. Next, a girl, and lastly, another girl, identical to the previous one. All alive, but all very sick.

When I FINALLY got to see them i went numb. I didn't cry. I loved them more than anything. And yet I knew that if they made it, it would have to have been a miracle, because they are just SO small and they have too many machines hooked up to them. All I want to do is be with them, but I can't because of how sick they are.

I love them all SO much. But I feel so sick in my heart. All i'm left to do is stay in the hospital and try to recover from the c-section. But I just wish I could be there for them.

Nothing severe has happened yet, no collapsed lungs or anything. Hopefully it stays that way. Please pray for them though, they're all i have left.

life has meaning now.

No longer am I just Amélie, now I am Maman.
Happy Birthday, babies. If only you knew how much I love you.
i'll write a birth story later.

dear babies

Please stay in me for as long as you can. i wish you're little bodies would realize that this could be our only time together. I'm crying right now, just because I can feel six little feet going at me and i'm so afraid that i won't get to play with all six of your feet when you're born.
So please, do as your mother says, stay in till at least October. And I love you, no matter how this situation turns out, you're everything in the world to me.

Was thinking of our wedding, how beautiful it was. Dancing to this song with you gave me tears, and it's giving me tears now.

Tomorrow will make a month. Crazy.

Last night I had a dream. I was flying, completely weightless, above the clouds with the sun shining on my back. and i could seriously feel the wind blowing through my hair. But then I started to fall. I went under the clouds, I started to get frantic. But everyone was there, everyone i've known that's died. And everyone caught me. I woke up with a start, sobbing, but it was still the best feeling i've had for awhile.

day with my little ladies :)

today Capu had a doctor appointment so her parents took her out for a special day outing. So, I babysat Pru and her cute little cousin Anabelle. We went to Rue Amélie (hehe) to a lovely shop and then we had a picnic in Champ de Mars. Anabelle isn't from Paris and she was begging me "PLEEEASE can we ride the Eiffel Tower!", haha, she says that every time she is here! They were so cute and I took pictures too of course :)



Anabelle in the courtyard. Mathieu plucked a pretty flower for her hair. Aren't her eyes just lovely? She also has a super cute baby sister named Théa who I babysit too sometimes when they are in town.



Pru looking a little gloomy back at her apartment. She was slightly irritated that her darn sister got to have a day out with her parents and she was stuck with me, sigh. haha. but she got perky after that. she also got a summer haircut which i love. it used to be soo long.

tell me they aren't precious :)

Oh, and you can't call Pru Prune anymore. She was terribly embarrassed at school when a little boy was eating a plum and said "Hey, I'm eating you!" (Prune means Plum in French). So she wanted to change her name to "Princesse" but that didn't fly, so she goes by "Pru" now. we'll see how long that lasts :)

Ah, I love days off!

But work tomorrow. i'm not looking forward to waking up!

The Abc's of me!

Thanks to the lovely Béa for this :)

It's called "The ABC's Of Me"! I'm not going to lie, this took awhile. But it was fun :)
Instructions: For each letter of the alphabet, state something about yourself.

A is for... Amélie- I didn't start to love my name until the movie came out!

B is for... Beaumes-de-Venise- The beautiful southern town my grandparents live in...full of rolling hills and gorgeous vineyards but also close to Avignon. An ideal weekend getaway :)

C is for...Cooking- Few know that I LOVE to cook and i'm pretty good at it too! Everyone else in my family has the baking gene but I got the cooking gene ;)

D is for...Dog- I love my puppy Louise!

E is for...Eggs- probably the most delicious food known to man!

F is for...Family- the most important thing to me

G is for...God-of course.

H is for...Hair- I love to play with my hair, curling, straightening, adding fun accessories.

I is for...Israel- Like every Jew, Israel is very close to my heart.

J is for...Jacob- the hubs.

K is for...Kickboxing- I really did enjoy it till i got pregnant

L is for...Liberal Judaism- a branch off of Progressive Judaism that I am apart of. It's not always supported by my conservative and orthodox family but it's my beliefs and I'm sticking to it.

M is for...Marais- It's the most diverse neighborhood in Paris, the gay, Jewish, and Chinese districts are all here. Even though it can often be clogged with tourists it's the greatest place to live.

N is for...Names- it might be dorky but i've been collecting name books since I was a teenager, and I love them!

O is for...Opéra- one of my favourite things to do whenever possible.

P is for...Paris- the greatest city in the world!

Q is for...Quilting- i'm not very good at it. And i couldn't think of a Q, haha.

R is for...Rosiers- the street I live on, quite famous for being completely taken over by Nazis in WWII

S is for...Sunglasses- they are my weakness. I can't even help it, I just HAVE to have 20 pairs of sunglasses.

T is for...Triplets- which I am trying to prepare for!

U is for...Umbrella- I have a very cute one with polka dots ;)

V is for...Vélodrome d'Hiver- which I'll blog about on the 16th

W is for...Wendy- my grandmother!

X is for...Xylophone- which I played at a school recital once, haha. I'm getting lazy now.

Y is for...Yves Saint Laurent- my favourite fashion designer ever. I bawled my eyes out when he died.

Z is for...Zen- I love lighting candles and having tea and just being calm cool and collected.


Ok, since you can only give it to one person...hmmm....i'm giving it to Ash @ Ash the Dreamer

my back hurts, i'm tired, i'm moody, heartburn, wahwah

I really can't complain anymore when so many magical things are happening all around me!
I know i'm not supposed to like working but I can't help it, it's just fantastic!
I get this high off of calling families and telling them to check their email because i'm sending them the picture of their new child thousands of miles away.
I love meeting with the little local children who don't have a family but soon will.

But I still cry for the millions who still don't have a home, and the thousands of parents who haven't been blessed with one of these children yet. My impossible goal is to give every child a home. I won't be able to change the world but i'd like to change my corner of it.

PS Turn up your speakers, I have an all new playlist :)

It's Summertime in Paris

Ah, it's summer.
And when you're a Parisian, summer means get the heck out of the city as fast as you can. When all of the locals pack their bags and head south to their shared country homes where they will bask all day in the sun, swim a bit in the pool, and drink some fabulous local wine.

Unless you have to work, like myself. (Ok, I guess I am guilty of leaving to my grandmother's village on the week-ends. Whatever.)

During the summer you have Paris, minus the Parisians. All you see are flashbulbs going off, tourists invading every street and asking everyone in their rough French where a good restaurant is. And I have to say, I don't completely mind it.

Ok, so Parisians are notorious for their less than friendly attitude. And when the Parisians are out of Paris during the summer, I no longer have to worry about the tall high heeled woman taking off her shoe and stabbing me when I bump into her on the street, or the unfriendly looks of people in the lift, or obnoxious people swearing and honking their horns when they drive through my streets.

Don't get me wrong, I love Paris...and I love Parisians too. And not just the friendly ones like myself ;)
The truth about Parisians is that they aren't just rude and arrogant for no reason. They are cut throat people who get what they want, who fight for what they want, and will stop at nothing to get there. If this means pushing past you in the street, rolling their eyes when you take too long with their food orders, or simply raising their voice a little, heck, they'll do it. I don't think it's an entirely BAD quality to be a little nasty, is it? Come on, be honest now, these are our leaders, they've obviously done SOMETHING right. And when you get to know them, you find they aren't so bad after all :)

But I have to admit that when they are gone, it feels like Paris is all MINE. These people in the streets will be gone in a few days. But i'm sticking around.

Have a lovely summer.

i just have a whimsically feeling from this song

yay :) doesn't it make you feel lighter? oh my gosh i love Irish music. Been lovin' me some Coors right now!
i'm pretty much dormant on the couch and have been watching a lot of travel shows lately. the weather is such a FAIL right now. oh geez, and work starts soon D:

In ten years...

Ash bounced this on to me :) So, where do I see myself in ten years?

Hmm. In ten years i'll be somewhere around the age of 33, ha. I hope to have my three little triplets being BIG kids. I still think i'll have my dream of adopting, and maybe at this time i'll have a little adopted toddler perhaps? But how will I manage to still be living in PARIS with four children, when apartments here are not made for more than two children? That'll be a challenge.

Ideally, I'll still be in the same apartment as I am in now, although it could be cramped. But I can really see myself being in the suburbs, one of the nice quiet villages where the children can run and play in the garden but we can still visit grandmother and grandfather in the city on weekends. Oh, how lovely that would be. I see my little ones being great friends with cousin Agnes and Cléméntine, who won't be far in age from them. Of course they will be great friends with their adopted older siblings Prune and Capu as well.

Jacob and I will still be young...most thirty three years olds (atleast in France) haven't even begun to have children yet. In ten years we'll be celebrating a decade of marriage. How lovely that'll be.

Hopefully by the tenth year I will have lost my triplet belly! hehe.

I want my sister to be living adventerously and following her dreams. I want to see her compete in London 2012 and by the time she is 22 be finishing up her education to be whatever she wants to be.

I would love to still be an adoption agent, blessing families with children they've longed for.

In ten years I really need to fulfill my goal of visiting my Tante Chaya in Israel like i've promised her for the past two years :/

Most of all, I want to be happy in ten years. I want Jacob and my children and my sister and my parents to all be HAPPY. When I think in terms of my age, ten years doesn't seem far at all. But when I think of how in ten years my children will be pre-teens and start sassing me, it begins to feel so much farther away.

I can't wait though :)

Thanks Ash, this was fun!

I'm passing it to...
Giovanna @ lavitadigiovanna (Even though I know you don't blog much, you should do this!)
Claire @ Winnie & Eva (Same with you Claire!)

so exhaustedddd

i had a lovely weekend at the sea with Jacob. it was fantastic.
anddd today was my birthday. i'm 23 :) i've thought i was 23 for awhile now so it's not a big deal haha. we had a nice dinner and I got a beautiful photo that Jeffrey took (oh, did i mention that he went home to brooklyn for summer? i miss that little bugger) that has myself and jacob holding my belly and him kissing it. it's in black and white and looks quite professional. it also has a nice picture frame that i'm not exactly sure how to translate into English, haha.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO TIRED IN MY LIFE THOUGH.
Seriously. I'm having such a hard time breathing and I'm in soo much pain. i'm extremely swollen too! Ugh, the happy and giddy part of pregnancy is SO OVER. haha. it'll be a lonnnnnng few months. I feel bad for complaining but you guys will still love me :)

Greatest moment of my life :)

Today was perfect. Amazing. More than I could have asked for.

So, I barely got any sleep last night. We had planned to meet Fleur and her parents at about noon at a café. I changed my outfit several times. I'm sure she wouldn't care at all what I was wearing, but I had been waiting for this moment since I was fourteen.
I got to the café early. I was shaking. Then, from behind me, I heard an extremely high pitched voice.
"Amélie, is that you?"
I lost my breath for a second and turned around. Fleur's mother looked exactly the same as she had last time I saw her. I kissed her and her husband, and FINALLY got to lay my eyes on her. HER. My daughter. My flesh and blood. All I had been dreaming of. I just couldn't help but put my hands to my face when I saw her, and I just started to cry a bit. She's SO beautiful. I could see myself in her, and I could see Julien in her too. She looks like Angélique, she has my father's smile. And surprisingly enough, she had some tears too, and she reached out her arms for me. I hugged her with everything I had. She's such a petite little thing. She started speaking to me quickly and happily, and she has the most beautiful clear voice with the smallest hint of a German accent (they live in Luxembourg). Even her parents wiped away tears, which definitely made me let my guard down. So they really wanted this, huh? Fleur spoke of how much she liked my hair, she spoke of her little sister Lise, and I told her that I am having three babies of my own! She just squealed about having more siblings. All this time I was wiping tears from the corners of my eyes. and just then, the most magical thing of all...i felt a kick. I grabbed Fleur's hand and put it there, and she smiled at me.
Fleur's parents made a very nice scrapbook for me. It has pictures of Fleur as a baby (we were nearly identical!) her first lost tooth, her on holidays and first school days. It was beautiful. I gave her a gift of my own. A picture of a very young me kissing my very large belly. When the time unfortunately came that we had to leave, Fleur's parents said they'd keep in touch. If they don't, I certainly will- now that I know her, I never want to let her go. She's the most amazing person I've met. I'm SO incredibly blessed to have her in my life. As we hugged goodbye I completely lost control of my emotions. Fleur told me "Don't cry, Amélie! This isn't the end, it's only the beginning!" I've felt more at peace than ever before. It confirmed everything wanted to know before; Fleur is happy and was given everything in the world. I made the right decision, and I can finally say that and MEAN it.



-Amélie

Dear Amélie

That's what I first read. It was from Fleur's parents. They described to me how a few years earlier they had cautiously stepped into an open adoption with their second child, and how beneficial it was to them. So they decided they weren't afraid of me anymore, and instead actually now want me a part of Fleur's life. After I read it and told my family the news, they seemed confused as to why i wasn't collapsed on the floor sobbing and thanking God. It's just...I never expected this to happen. I don't know if Fleur's parents understand the emotions behind what they are doing. I wrote them and email though, and I'm excited. This is what I've been waiting for. Meeting the girl who changed my life forever. Does she look like me, or Julien? I know he'd be dying to meet her but I don't know what to do. I just never thought this would happen for twenty more years till she found me on her own. What will I say? Will she think I abandoned her? Oh God, I just want her to know I love her.

tattoos

they aren't really for me. ick. the idea of getting one freaks me out. jacob has a couple though. see, i don't mind when he gets them because they are never tacky and always with good interest. he has a bunch of maori designs on his bicep going down to his chest which i understand because it's a cultural thing and when he participates in the maori ceremonies he wouldn't look like a true maori person of course. he also has a maori phrase on his back that says "te tapuna atua koe e manaaki" which means "the ancestors are watching over you" and on the opposite chest of the design he has "bulletproof" because that's where his dad was shot. in the middle of the maori designs on his bicep he has "14/7/01" (the date his Uncle Hemi died) and "16/12/99" (the day we met) my dad always tells him "you better keep in shape or else those tattoos are going to get saggy!" haha. my parents hate tattoos. when he was a teenager, my dad begged his parents to let him get my mom's name tattooed on him. HA. of course they said no. so my rebellious father carved in "Mathilde" onto his arm and colored it in with ink. it's not very visible, but it's still there!

anyways, he told me today that when the triplets are born he is getting their birthday inked in with the rest of the dates that go through his bicep design. i think that's sweet.

but yeah. sabbath today was nice. except the most OBNOXIOUS little boy i've ever met was bothering me after the service. I swear, if my kids ever act like that...

ARGH

WOW, i hate my computer. It's so bipolar! Sometimes it works just perfectly and then others it doesn't. Some sites work okay but others don't. anyway, it's just soo obnoxious and who knows when it will work normally again?
On the plus side, I succeeded in all of my finals and will be graduating soon! YES!

The 18th was Shavuot so I didn't do much. It's the anniversary of God giving the Torah to the Israelites. Every year for Shavuot we have cheese blintzes, it's an Ashkenaz tradition from my mother's side. After that last night we went to the synagogue for the Confirmation for the tenth graders. Then we had an all night Torah study which is another tradition. Except Jacob fell asleep, haha, fail. But I almost did too. We have some Sephardic neighbors that don't celebrate it like the Ashkenaz so they sort of gave us looks as usual, haha, specificially one of my ruder neighbors who doesn't understand Ashkenazi Judaism anyways. Blah, so yeah i'm pretty tired now.

Tomorrow i am 13 weeks pregnant! Time is flying by, but i'm hardly even there yet. The doctor says that I will have my c-section probably around 35 weeks, which means I'll probably have them around mid-late October.

I've been spending a lot of time helping Mathieu and Emaline adjust to parenthood. Well, that's a lie, but I have been cooking for them and changing the occasional diaper :) Cléméntine is adorable. She's a red-head! Once Mathieu starts working again I promised Emaline i'd help out until I begin to waddle, in which case i'm retiring to the sofa :)

Hope you all are doing well! I miss talking to people since once again my computer is dumb :(

woke up to a knock at the door...

Babysitting Prune and Capucine overnight with Jacob. My mom woke us up in the middle of the night. My grandpa had a heart attack. He's all right now. But the reality of him someday leaving me just hit, and it's scary. I'm so angry. But I don't know at who.

Ooh baby baby!

Cue Salt 'n' Pepa! (PUSH IT!)
Anywayyyy.

There is a lot of baby stuff going on around here!
Emaline went into labor yesterday, and in the middle of the night gave birth to a beeeeautiful chubby red faced little girl!
Cléméntine Félicie was born at 8 lbs 13 oz!

here is a photo of the cutie with Mathieu's niece Maëlle.

And in other baby news, Aurélie is coming to visit in a few weeks and I finalllly get to meet Agnes! I've been dying to forever! it's unhealthy for a niece to be separated from her aunt for so long. Luckily I have Cléméntine nearby :) I'm going to spoil that girl rotten.

I woke up early to begin the tedious process of studying for finals again and working on my graduation project! One more week, ONE MORE WEEK! ahhh. I'm just extremely nervous for my physics labs. Oi.

Baby names!

Even though i'm still barely pregnant (although my belly says otherwise) I've already had the baby names picked out! haha, all six of 'em :) What do you guys think?

Auguste Léon: (Girls at the Piano by Pierre-Auguste Renoir) Ah, how I love Auguste. I've loved this name forever, and when I suggested it to Jacob he said "huh, well that's kind of cool!" Yes, Jacob. It is cool. It reminds me of the lovely month, and for some reason the movie August Rush which was good, haha. I also lurrrrve Pierre-Auguste Renoir. Perhaps one of my favorite artists. Léon is for my fabulous grandpa :) When I told him that if we have a boy his middle name will be after him, he got tears in his eyes! I love it.

Jonas Armand:
I came across Jonas years ago when I read the story The Giver. I fell in love with it, the book, and the character. Jacob was actually the one who suggested it and I was so pleased that he did. Oh, and I love the song "My Name is Jonas." I think it's so cool. Armand is for my dad.

Caspar Hemi:
Caspar is just one of those cool names. I kind of like Gaspard better, but Jacob likes Caspar so ah, he wins. It means "Treasure" which is so sweet. Hemi (pron. HAY-mee) is the name of Jacob's uncle who was a really important person to him but died when he was younger. We were thinking of going with Caspar Rawiri instead, after Jacob's dad who was murdered when he was ten, but even though he loved Jacob he wasn't there, and Hemi was.

Charlotte Valéria: She'll go by Lottie. Isn't that just so cute? Lottie Lottie Lottie. Hehe. Charlotte is just one of those timeless names that I love no matter the popularity. Jacob and I just made a list of all the famous Charlottes...Charlotte Bronte, a million royal women, Charlotte's Web, etc. Valéria is for Jacob's grandmother Val who stepped in and raised him. She's a fantastic lady, and i'm sure little Lottie would be honored to have her name in there.

Arielle Odette: (Little Mermaid Statue in Copenhagen) Arielle makes me think of the Little Mermaid, and what little girl doesn't want to be a mermaid? haha. It's just so gorgeous. ahry-ELL. ahry-ELL. ahry-ELL. it just sounds so pretty i can't even get over it. Jacob says it a little differently but it still sounds cool. We might call her Ari sometimes. Odette honors oodles of people...an Auntie who died in the Holocaust, some ancestors ages and ages ago, Angélique...

Serena Adèle: Serena is just so light and I think of a little fairy or something when I hear the name. Adèle is for great-grandmother Marie who was everybody's favorite and died in the Holocaust.

Any opinions on these names? Not that i'll really care what you think if you hate them, haha :)

hellooo!

Hope everyone has been doing well! i've been keeping pretty busy right now. school is kicking my butt! i'm working sooo hard, and i can finally graduate in almost a month! yay! FINALLY i'll be able to have that degree! Once I get that i'll be able to fully focus on the pregnancy, getting the nursery done and picking out names etc.

I still have really bad sickness and nausea, but i learned that if i am constantly eating i never even feel sick. it's all about keeping my belly full! haha. i'm also having a really strange sleep schedule, i'm napping a ton and up all night since i have the worst heartburn ever, and really bad aches too.
i had a doctor appointment today. i told him about the fact that my legs randomly get numb and he said that the babies are squishing my artery and that is why. ouch! and it's only supposed to get worse as i get further along. i got an ultrasound, and my little ones are cooking quite nicely! so far in my pregnancy i have gained ten pounds and will be ten weeks in three days. i also found out i have TWO placentas. that means that i'll have two identical and one fraternal, but they could all be the same gender. I think I want two boys and maybe a girl just cause i'd feel bad for the fraternal boy being left out...i think Jacob wants girls though.

i'm starting to think about the nursery just a bit, i'm getting bassinets for now and then a big crib for them all, and then when they get older i'll get other cribs for them. triplets tend to be tiny though, so i figure they'll use the bassinet for a while. of course i want it gender neutral..i've looked at some pictures and i can't decide which ones i like better...hmm. still thinking though :) i went to a baby store that had a ton of really adorable canopies to choose from, so that's exciting. yep..haha. that's all that is going on at the moment.





i really like this bassinet too...

Nothing important to say.

:) Oh, my cousin had her baby finally. Her name is Agnes, and she is cute cute cute. I love being an auntie. even though i have yet to meet the child. The birth of Agnes has turned my mother into a spaz. she just can't believe that Aurélie is a mother. Does she realize i'll be a mother soon too? haha. She had one of those "you all are getting so old!" moments, so she got a new picture frame and put a childhood picture of my sister and I in it. You think she might have had this revelation, say, on my wedding day, or the day i told her I was pregnant? haha. No. Aurélie can make my mother think :)

today was really weird.

morning was like a normal shabbat with the family. then Jacob, the non-Jew, went to his classes and stuff, and i was home alone all day. i turned on my ipod and listened to "Jeremy" by Pearl Jam. It's a really really good song, but pretty heavy. it's based on a true story from the '90s when a kid named Jeremy went in front of his class and shot himself. i don't know why i was listening to it because i was actually in a light mood. anyways, i was dozing off, and when i was sleeping the song was still playing so it was like playing in my dream, and i was in the music video! it was sooo creepy. then i woke up and it was still playing but i was SOOO confused (i think i had the song on repeat, haha, this didn't all occur in four minutes). i was still half asleep and i opened my door, next thing i remember i'm on my couch and my grandmother is holding out a glass of water to me and i'm just looking at it like i didn't know what it was, then she left and i slept again and when i woke up i was like "WHAT JUST HAPPENED!" haha, the puzzle pieces are coming together. i have really bad heartburn right now, and Jacob can't understand why i'm up so early. cause i slept all day and have heart burn! just sayin'.

Haha, here's another Capucine video courtesy of her mother Anne, this one is a bit old but she is just so cute and silly. have a lovely weekend!

Capucine=ADORABLE

SO CUTE! Love the end parts!

A big blog.

Well, i've been pretty busy for awhile. Jacob got to experience his first Passover, and my grandmother felt bad for him for missing his family on a holiday such as Easter so she gave him a special Easter present, haha, i thought it was cute.

Then I went to the country with my mother which was soo relaxing and stress relieving. which was good because when i got back i had to do a ton of school work. but now i'm caught up so woopawoopawoopa.

i also had lunch one day with my Disney girls. haven't seen them in sooo long! It was a big princess reunion, haha. I can't wait to take my kids to Disneyland.

The other day was interesting. insightful. closure. i don't know what to call it.

During Jacob's class I was walking Louise through this nice little residential area. We stopped at the park because i was tired. I noticed a familiar face a few park benches down. He looked down my way and gave kind of a double take, then got up to sit by me. who was it? julien. i've seen him a round a bit, but not for a really long time and it's the first time he's ever tried to make a conversation with me. usually when i see him it's an awkward hello, how is your family, good, see you around. But he actually looked HAPPY to see me, which i hadn't seen for a really, really, really long time. it was kind of weird for a minute there...he said hi, and i said hi, and we just sort of sat there until i asked how everything was, and he said really well, that he had been sober for almost a year. and i could tell, he looked really great and so healthy, and happy even. i filled him in about getting married and being pregnant, and it felt like old times when there was no pressure, just good conversation. he's been dating a girl for a couple of months and he is going to start going to school but in the meantime is doing some art stuff. i'm proud of him.

but the conversation turned to a place i didn't expect it to. he said that when he was in avignon a couple of years ago, he saw a little girl that looked just like me. granted, who knows what sorts of drugs he was on back then. but it made my heart stop a bit. but then he laughed and said he also saw her in belgium and geneva and lyon too. he said that she was the reason he got sober, because he didn't want to meet her one day and see her disappointed in a failure of a biological father. i think i almost started crying when at one point he said, "Man, do you ever just lay up at night and think about what she's doing?" oh, every night i told him. when it was about time to go he gave me a little hug and said that we should really keep in touch.

even though what julien did to me was terrible, i've long forgiven him. it wasn't his fault, it was just a cycle of abuse that continued through him. i believe he's changed. heck, he wasn't even the same person i knew before. the truth is i know he loves like i love, and just to hear him mention her confirmed it. we share a bond that is unlike any other. it's a weird bond. sometimes i hate him. sometimes i love him. sometimes i really just wish he never came into my life. but we both know the pain of losing a daughter. that's enough for me.

is it just me or do i talk about this a lot? geez. you must all be bored. well sorry. but now that i'm feeling that chapter in my life is closing, i feel as if i can move on and keep her in my heart forever, it's a good feeling.

everyone that finds out that i'm pregnant asks "OH MY GOSH IS IT A BOY OR A GIRL!" i'm thinking i want to be surprised. that would be nice. unless something random happens i intend this to be my only pregnancy, and wouldn't it be the coolest thing to get a surprise like that? i'll probably know at my next ultrasound how many placentas i have, meaning if i have two then i'll have two identical one fraternal ect. oh, i discovered that i've gained seven pounds (a pound per week!) and i'm starting to get some whitish stretch marks on my butt. lovely. i'll stop the rambling now, haha, hope your holidays were nice.

oh, i got my hair cut while we were in the country..likey?




short hair is much more manageable. my hair looks ridiculously light in this picture! they used a light reflection spray to "bring out my natural highlights." i wonder when it'll go away. oh, and i was not driving at this time. ha.

haha

yikes, i do not think i'll be sleeping before 3 for these nine months! i babysat Prune and Capucine this morning while her parents were busy. love those girls :)

Prune est tellement mignon. Elle me permet toujours faire ses cheveux. Capucine commence à gurgle et à rire et à être un bébé cute chubby ainsi. Une fois que j'ai Capucine au lit j'ai dit Prune que je suis enceinte avec trois bébés peu nouvelles. Elle a dit "Qui est le Papa" ? J'ai essayé ne pas à rire et je l'ai dit «Jacob, bien entendu!» Elle avait l'air vraiment confuse. Elle a commencé à parler d'eux sont des filles, et je l'ai dit Prune, que se passe-t-il si j'ai trois garçons ? Elle dit "vous ne pouvez pas avoir trois garçons, Capucine et j'ai besoin d'un jeune fille de meilleur ami à jouer avec!" et je l'ai dit "Que sur le bébé Emaline et Mathieu?" et elle dit ", que bébé ne vivre voisine de moi" et je l'ai dit "ce un ne soit". Elle a pensé pour un certain temps et a décidé que tous les bébés et elle pourraient être amis ensemble. J'imagine que si j'ai des garçons qu'ils sont probablement va être harcelant Prune, lorsqu'elle est ancienne. Elle va être une belle fille.

when their parents got home Prune wanted to see Louise so I took her over there to play with her, and Soul Meets Body was on the radio. Prune made me find the music video so she could watch it a million times in a row. For being four, little Plum has excellent taste in music. i've tought her well :) she also said that "Ben Gibbard is such a dream man!" and she keeps singing the lyrics in English, which is like the first English she knows, i felt like this makes me a really great babysitter.

i'll probably be blogging a lot lately

just 'cause i have to VENT! i was finally able to sleep last night, and i slept gooooood. at the synagogue today i talked to a lady who is a obgyn and she was saying how since i'm tiny and i'll have three babies shoved up me i'll probably end up having a c-section pretty early and will probably have to be on bedrest for some time too. fun stuff. also, my boobs have gotten bigger, which fails because it's making my back ache worse. ugh.
but it's not so much the physical stuff as it is the emotional stuff. a lot of people don't understand why i would want three boys, even though they know my situation. if i had a girl, it would be like me just reliving what i'm missing out on with my other daughter. doing her hair, going shopping with her, those are all things i was supposed to have done already! i know i'll probably be tested and will end up having three girls, but i don't know...i'd be lying if i didn't say it would be hard for me. i know i'm just selfish, but meh, can't i be just until they arrive? until you've been through an adoption, especially a closed one, you just can't really understand what it's like. this pregnancy makes me keep thinking "maybe i could've done it..." but i know in reality i couldn't have...okay, maybe i could have. but would it really have been the best thing for her? all she needs is love after all, and i could have given it to her. she deserves what she is getting right now. but i can imagine us walking down the street, hand in hand, her precious black curls matching mine. i bet she has the perfect life, one i couldn't have given her. i wonder what she'd think of having three new siblings. ohhhh i'm hurting.

at this moment

i am laying in bed, holding my belly, thinking of the three little things growing inside me. i'd like three little boys. in another lifetime i would want daughters. scott weiland's voice is the only thing keeping me calm right now, seriously.


i'm going to see if i can sleep tonight, goodnight.

um.

i've definitely have been throwing up in the mornings.
and today i definitely had to leave class after somebody mentioned raw meat.
but i definitely just lost my virginity a few weeks ago.
and i have been on birth control for years.
so i don't get my periods, and it's supposed to be 99.9% effective...
but i'm really tired and crampy and all i want is some greasy food adlfkjdlakj

yeah. didn't see this one coming. i'm taking a pregnancy test tomorrow. even though i can't be pregnant. it's good to put my mind at ease.

Wake up call!

First of all, happy birthday to Ashley :)

Soo. I went shopping with my sister today. It was fun...but kind of a realization for me. I realized today that my baby Angélique is no longer a baby.

Ok, first of all she is wearing this little dress which was so cute and chic on her, but then she's also wearing these high heels (she refuses to wear any other shoes but heels) that make her legs look miles long. plus makeup, because she begged me. she looked like she was my age! i wanted to cry. so we're walking down the street and she's getting double takes by men my age and older! i wanted to shout at them "SHE IS ONLY TWELVE!" and i kept telling her "when we get home you are taking your makeup off and no more heels for you!" but she just laughed at me. you could tell she was loving this! when we got near the house i actually did make her go put on ballet flats because i couldn't stand her being taller than me. but then we went out to this café, and this man comes in and he was maybe about 30 or something, really handsome though. he walks past her and whispers in her ear and she starts doing this little giggle. i was like "ALOUETTE WHAT DID HE SAYYYYY!!!!!" but she wouldn't tell me! he definitely said something about her being beautiful though. gosh, she isn't supposed to be a woman until December! we used to call her the coquette in training, and it looks like our predictions are correct because she is becoming a bit of a coquette already. even though she's short she looks a lot older than her age, but still, men should not be looking at her...but anyways, that's it for today.

hmm.

these two parts from paris je t'aime...just make me feel. i do not know. i felt like sharing. the first part has always touched me, especially because my mother used to sing me that lullaby. i've always liked the second part since i'm from le marais but watching it again just makes me love it more.





yay for the best movie ever

The Wedding!

Well, I know not everyone could make it to the wedding. so i'll recount it on here. It's really early in the morning...I think. Well, Jacob is sleeping and it's still dark outside. My time is so messed up that i don't even know what's going on right now, but i think i just slept for a really long time and before Jacob wakes and we go explore Turkey I figured i'd pay my internet friends a visit and inform you about the wedding. sit back and relax cause it'll be long.

So, we'll begin with the night before. We all rode to my grandmother's house in the country where we decided earlier that we'd be married in their local synagogue. it was the perfect setting for a wedding- NOT! well, i mean, it was really pretty, but it was still pouring rain which was no fun. Everyone sort of went their separate ways at that point, we had a small rehearsal dinner which was nice, and then i had to say goodbye to Jacob. We had a big all girls sleepover at my grandmother's house. We ate lots of fattening foods and my grandmother decorated me with henna. it's a Persian tradition, and my great-grandmother Leila taught my grandmother Wendy, who taught me, and so if I ever have a daughter i'll be sure to teach her how to henna too and i'll be doing it for her wedding. My hands and feet were so pretty looking :) that's another part of the wedding- we involved all the cultures of our families, the Persian traditions, the American traditions, the French traditions, the Jewish traditions, the English traditions, the Maori/New Zealand traditions... So We listened to crazy music and then the older women left and the younger ones watched one of my all time favorite movies- Paris Je t'aime!! The people who hadn't seen it before were saying "Ah, we are going to have enough sappy romance tomorrow, why watch this movie?" but they didn't realize that the amazingness of Paris Je'taime is that it's about all types of love, not just a romantic love. everyone who hadn't seen it loved it :) my cousin Nathalie made special avocado face masks for everybody, but then Aurélie was like "EVERYBODY SHUT UP FOR ONE SECOND!!!" so we all looked at her, and she was clutching her stomach! we all pretty much started screaming and calling her husband and getting her into a car. the baby wasn't supposed to come till April! Her husband came and got her and then they went to the hospital (turns out it was just a false alarm). So we had a nice time that evening, although I was still really ill and we stayed up way too late. Nathalie woke up at about 9 am and shouted and started shaking everyone because we forgot to set an alarm clock! how dumb. Everyone was freaking out over me, shaving my legs and tweezing my eyebrows and curling my hair. I was sooo sick. I felt like i was hit by a truck, so they gave me a bunch of pills (haha, luckily it did not turn out like the wedding in Sixteen Candles! oh my gosh) Lots of fluff and commotion, and somehow i made it into my dress. My mother and grandmothers came in sometime at that point and i'm pretty sure my grandmother was hung over, but they were all crying except my mother who was actually getting angry at me for not taking medicine the day before, haha. Some more old women who i'm not really sure of came in and blessed me and pinched my cheeks like they do. Then we all hopped into the car, running from the rain, and a nice man drove us to the place. Everyone was acting really strange and nervous, but i wasn't. i really just wanted it over with. When i came out of the car I started to run, but my freaking six inch heel snapped! i completely twisted my ankle! I screamed and almost fell in the mud, haha, but then all the ladies screamed louder and caught me.

So I went to this back room until everyone was situated with my sister and sweet little Prune who was the flower girl. I curled her hair into blonde little ringlets and pinned her ring of flowers on her head- she was soooo adorable! she definitely stole the show. so when the time came i had to of course do my walk down the aisle. the traditional Jewish music played and out i came! Everyone was crying which for some reason made me want to laugh really hard, so i had a really strange facial expression because i was trying to contain myself from busting a gut. My dad walked me down the aisle. So when I saw Jacob for the first time it was pretty much the "fairy tale" moment of the whole wedding, he looked so happy and i felt so happy and i almost cried because he almost cried...it was cute. but then i noticed he was wearing a yarmulke? haha, i was so confused from where he got that. so the ceremony went on, we said our vows and my favorite part that i have been dreaming about since i was little... everyone shouted MAZEL TOV! Jacob successfully smashed the wine glass with his foot (we were a bit worried) and we kissed, yay! Then the music played us out and when we were walking down the steps i twisted the same ankle again, and so i shouted out a curse word in English and the few people that heard gasped, haha. so Jacob had to carry me to the car, and needless to say i tossed those magical six inch heels out the window.

The best part i knew would be the reception. i just really wanted to let loose and dance the night away and eat lots of good food. so before we did that we needed our pictures, and this wonderful photographer guy that was friends with my cousin comes with a little digital camera! ("I'll be sure to make you an awesome cd of your pictures!") haha, it was ok though, he was sweet. so then we went to the reception area where everyone was and so then we ate Bamiehs and croquembouche and then my grandmother got us a little piece of cake like they do in America, and we smashed it in each others face. then we had our first dance. first of all, let me say that the DJ was completely nuts in all the best ways, he had a rainbow mohawk and moved like Iggy Pop. He played really great music though. THEN at the end, my grandfather Léon took the microphone to give us the special blessing, but he announced that our special gift was that we are going to have to stay in Paris near the family for the rest of our lives- they got us the apartment across the way above Emaline and Mathieu's! i started crying. It was like a dream! eventually we realized it was really late...people had started kissing us goodbye, until we realized that our DJ was packing up too! but then some of my friends and cousins gave us the idea to go out to a bar because heck we couldn't go home just yet. So we went out to this great music bar there which was filled with people, but it was really fun because you would think that Jacob and I should have been the drunk ones, but no, everyone else was, haha. Jacob did get a little brave though with the help of some bubbly and even went on stage during karaoke and borrowed some nice man's guitar and dedicated a song to me which was sweet and everyone awwwd. he played some of my favorites, heaven by bryan adams and she will be loved by maroon 5. it was nearly morning by that point, most of the people had started scattering, and Jacob and I weren't really sure where we were supposed to go...haha. All of the places were full. So we just sat in the rain for awhile and recounted the wedding and how nice it was. Then the sun was beginning to rise so we went back to my grandmother's and my grandfather Thierry was up so we sat with him and he made us breakfast. i wasn't really tired even though i hadn't slept in forever. Jacob had a cat nap on the couch though.

So our flight left midmorning so we already had everything packed and we got ready for the flight, we kissed our families goodbye and flew over. It's lovely here.

I'm such a lucky girl to be able to find just one person who i love. It's like all of the rough stuff leading up to this wonderful moment was so worth it, worth all the tears and all the pain because now i couldn't be happier. I'm madly in love, I hope the newlywed stage lasts forever and ever.

Thinking of all of you, i'll be back in a few days :) Thanks for all of the blessings!

Love,
Mrs. Amélie Croixet (ah, so weird!)

In the midst of wedding madness...

I'm writing about my awesome friends. Why? Well, because I feel like it darn it. Friendship day is in like August or something. Not sure how I know that. But that is too long to wait to make a friendship blog. I just want to honor my few great friends and tell them how much i love them :)

Giovanna- hmm, definitely like my mother in all the best ways. My shoulder to cry on (and trust me, i've used it many times) and the one who is always there for a hug. She puts others before herself, which makes it easy to take advantage of her sweetness. She's the one that will pull you aside at a party to make sure you are ok, just because you looked like you didn't feel so well. I love her. There's a reason she's my maid of honor. the only thing i dislike is the fact that she has to live so far away. we go in year long increments without seeing each other. But we talk everyday, cause she's the bestest!

Daphne and Mathieu- These two go hand in hand. I've had some really great friends over the years. Some stay, and some go. I have to honestly say that these two are the friends I cherish the most. They are the only ones in my friendship group that know what it was like to grow up in Rue des Rosiers in the Pletzl. It was our playground. We knew which shop owners loved us and would give us free goodies, and which would shoo us out. We knew the Yiddish phrases that the old women would say to us as they pinched our cheeks when we walked by, and of course they were my only friends that wouldn't say "why not?" when i had to tell them that i could not do something with them on Friday evenings. I think it's really great that we were great friends even though we all went to different schools; I went to the International School, Mathieu went to Jew school, and Daphne went to the normal private school, but the two of us girls would meet up after school for our afternoon Jewish classes. And although Mathieu got his fair share of beatings from us girls, and Daphne and I bickered like siblings, I love them both so much. Wow, looking back on it, we were pretty cruel to each other...They'd call me the hairy midget haha oh my gosh. Nighttimes were always the best. Mathieu's bedroom was directly across from mine, and we would use flashlights for Morse code. and with Daphne directly above me, she would tap her feet three times quickly if she wanted to meet in our special spot. I cry sometimes thinking about how much I miss Daphne. I can't wait till she's finally done with school so she can come back to her home and it will be like old times again...except now Mathieu and I will both be married and Mathieu has a little one on the way, but still... for putting up with me all of these years, i have to love these two ;)

Lotte- So, I only knew Lotte for about two years. Which i guess is a short amount of time. She came from Germany when we were teenagers. She was sooooo pretty, like i couldn't look her in the eye because she just made me feel so atrocious, haha. she was also really sweet and smart, and i slightly hated her for being so perfect. But after she opened up to and told me about her life, she really tought me not to judge people because you never know what happens behind closed doors. I don't talk to her much anymore, which is really sad, but i think of her often and i wish her all the best. she's definitely one that has impacted me for life.

Well, i guess i don't have many friends. but these four really did change my life, i'm forever grateful for getting the pleasure to know them.

scary times...

soo...not last night but the night before, my sister came into my room at like 11 and said she didn't feel well, then she started regurgitating everywhere. she said she felt better though, so she fell asleep on my floor. then at about 2, she started yelling at me about her friend Youna! I was so confused. Then she started calling me Youna! She had to wake up for gymnastics at four, and since i was up too i took her since my parents were gone and i was afraid she would get sick again. anyways, she was flaming up and so i took her temperature but she was being bratty about it which is kind of rare because usually she is in a really good mood to me. so that failed, and i just wrapped her up and took her there. so, at about seven in the morning i get a call that during her warm ups when she was jumping rope she was breathing really hard but she said she felt ok. then during her first session with her floor routine, she was doing some flippy twisty combination and in the middle of it her body just gave out and she fell onto the floor. her teammate Lola ran up to her and apparently she was awake and saying she was fine, then she got up and passed out. they got her to the hospital and that's when they called me. i rushed there as soon as possible. she was really dehydrated and her body was exhausted. she was awake though, which was good. i got her home and she slept all day, which she needed since she hasn't had a good night sleep for hmm about six of her twelve years haha. i forced her to take the next day off which surprisingly she didn't fight. she's back to the gym today though and she's feeling better.

well that would be my drama for the past few days. haha. hope everyone is doing well.

Valentine!

Last year my special Valentine was my sister. The year before it was Giovanna. It was also probably Jacob at some point.

But this year, I decided I needed to honor the wonderful love of my life who has been there for me for years, who is my listening ear and best pal.

Who is this? Louise of course!

Louise is the cutest most cuddly Basset hound in the world. I remember the day I got her...

I was jumping rope outside of the apartment with Daphne Mercier.
"Did you hear that Mr. Berendt's dog had puppies?" She said. I wasn't very impressed, after all, my grandparents had a rather annoying yippy dog. But the streets were hot and so was the apartment from the bakery, so we took off chunks of ice from her freezer and walked down to Mr. Berendt's antique shop. In front there was a box. it said "Free Dogs." We looked inside, and there were these tiny puppies with HUGE ears on them. Daphne started snuggling them. Then I noticed the tiniest one in there. It looked so sad at me, and I felt so bad for it. I picked it up and started to cuddle it. then Mr. Berendt came out and yelled at us "You girls need to go ask your parents to take one of these things home instead of blocking my entrance!" he was a really mean old man. So, Daphne knew she wouldn't be able to take one cause her mother is allergic. But I scooped up the cute runt and carried it back to the bakery. It was so hot and crowded in there, everyone was trying to get cold drinks. I shoved through the crowd to get to my mother who was working behind the counter. I showed her the dog and said "Can we keep her?"
"Absolutely not!" She said. Then I just remember going on a big thing about how I needed a special friend since my parents were always busy with Anglique now. Nothing better than a guilt trip! She told me to go ask my dad, so I went back to the kitchen where everyone was making cakes and pastries, and I showed him the dog.
"Get that thing out of here!" he said, but he was laughing. He said i could keep it! i was soo happy. And so, that is how Louise came into our family.

I haven't always had support around me. I don't have many friends that live nearby, Jacob couldn't always be reached over the phone, my sister is at gymnastics and my parents are working...whenever i'm struggling i turn to Louise, lays on my bed long enough for me to hug her. she's my best friend. I love her so much.

But I also get sad, because she is getting old. I know she won't be here forever. I think she was an angel in disguise, because for the hardest times in my life, she was there when nobody else could be. I think she knows that I'm ok now, and when she is ready to go to dog heaven, she can, because now I am healed.


ALSO check out my pal Giovanna's blog! lavitadigiovanna.blogspot.com! she would love to meet new folks like you!

Happy Weekend!

Olympics!

I love the Olympics. Do you? They are so fun to watch. it is like the whole world joins together for a short time for good things. :) I really loved the Torino 2006 Olympics. Why? Cause of this magical moment...fast forward to 4:25



Giovanna's sister and my second little sister Eleonora was chosen to sing the national anthem of Italy. Um, PRESSURE? I remember when I was watching the ceremony, i was on the edge of my seat, holding my breath. Please, Eleonora, Please, Please don't mess up! But she didn't! It was perfect and she was the pride of Italy and my little apartment :) I was so proud of her, and so relieved when it was over! LOL at the very end "Anthem sung by nine year old ee-lah-nahr-ah"

Bonjour. J'espère que vous avez tous font bien. J'ai été occupé dernièrement, seulement environ vingt jours jusqu'au mariage. Jacob était aujourd'hui en ville. C'est la dernière fois que nous allons voir les uns les autres avant notre mariage :) Je suis donc très heureux. Aujourd'hui nous simplement poser sur le divan toute la journée recherche de grande musique sur internet et j'ai fait quelques cacao espagnol géniaux. Notre Shabbat était tellement belle ainsi. Seulement, nous avons joué un match avec toute la famille. Que ne à méritent de telles personnes grand?

Je reçois parfois triste, mais ensuite je passe toujours à eux. Ma famille est tellement important, je ne peux pas attendre jusqu'à ce que nous sommes un. Il est presque de Giovanna anniversaire. Réjouissez-vous!

Sad, but needs to be said...

it's really early, but i can't fall back asleep without wishing my great-grandmother Marie a happy birthday. she was supposed to be 98 years old today. unfortunately she never got to see past 30.

a few days ago was the 65th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz. I guess this makes it the perfect time to blog about the Holocaust and remember all of those close to me that survived and passed during that horrific time.

I don't really like to think about it too hard. it makes it too sad. but i have heard all the stories from my three grandparents who survived. my grandmother Cosette tells her stories like they are ghost stories; creepy low voices, random shouts and crazy hand movements and wittiness, making it seem like fiction. My grandfather Léon always tears up when he talks about it, and my most mellow grandfather Thierry doesn't talk about it at all, but I know what happened anyways. Being the only Jew at school, my grandparents used to come into school and tell all the kids about it. I always had such a sense of pride for my race during this time. Like my grandfather said one time, all of us as Jews may have been down, but we survived, and we are all lucky to still be here today. It's hard to find a European Jew who didn't have many of their family members killed. I know i did. So many of my grandparents siblings and cousins died. This is just to honor several of my family and friends who survived or unfortunately perished during this time. The many that I did not include will forever be in my hearts.


REST IN PEACE...
The family of my gradmother Cosette...
Great-Grandmother Marie: decided the greatest way to protect her family after her husband was murdered was to separate them and put them into hiding. she remained with her infant daughter Nathalie so that she would be able to feed her no matter what. After fleeing from Paris, she was caught by the Gestapo and sent on the train to Auschwitz. Visibly distraught and exhausted at the arrival, she was gassed at the age of 30. She's remembered as having the most compassionate soul and kindest heart.
Great-Grandfather Jean-Pierre: shot by a Nazi after being seen selling food from the bakery at the age of 30. was always very defiant and stood up for what he believed in, which ultimately caused his death. He was extremely proud of his family.
Great-Aunt Nathalie: died on the train to Auschwitz at the age of 9 months. was the only other person in the family who shared Cosette's black hair and blue eyes, and was always regarded as the cutest and most happy baby.
Great-Aunt Elouise "Lou": A very, very beautiful girl whose passion was dancing ballet. Lou dreamed of someday becoming a ballerina with Paris Opéra Ballet.Cosette says that Angélique inherited her grace and artistic dance ability from Elouise. Lou was sent to live with a Christian family, where it is said that she fell in love with the family's son. Ultimately they discovered her hiding, and the family was shot as she was sent to Birkenau. She worked until she died of Typhus at the age of 15.
The family of my grandfather Léon...
Great-Uncle Sébastién: A strong, handsome teenager who was just getting started at University. He was leaving one day when he was arrested. He was sent to a work camp, and was lined up, numbered off, and shot.
Great-Grandmother Odette: An extremely overprotective mother, she was sent with her husband and child to the ghetto after the death of her oldest. she died of starvation and "a broken heart".
Great-Great Grandmother Anastasie: Sent to Bergan-Belsen, where she died nearly immediately.

The family of my grandfather Thierry:
Great-Grandmother Aurélie: Found leaving her missing sister's home when she was arrested and sent to a slave labor camp where she died of exhaustion. She was a strict but very loving mother who wanted nothing but success for her children.
Great-Grandfather Yves-Camille: A very lovable, compassionate father who was adored by all of his children. Was on secret business and never returned. He had been sent to Auschwitz where he was murdered.
Great-Aunt Elizabette "Bette": After her parents were taken, she was sent to a German hospital where she was used for medical testing. She was injected with several diseases included Tuberculosis until an injection of morphine killed her at the age of 8.
Family Friends Eva and Abraham: Murdered at Auschwitz the ages of 11 and 9 after being denounced as Jews. Click their names for their full biography.

HONORING THE SURVIVAL...
Grandmother Nicole "Cosette" and Great-Aunt Anais "Anne": Cosette and Anne were the closest of sisters. they were sent by their mother who knew they could not be separated to a Catholic convent. Although always frightened of being caught, they stayed their for some time before being denounced as Jews. They were captured and put on the train to Auschwitz, where they saw many people die, and were nearly there before the Russians liberated their train. They were one of the lucky ones, for if the weren't stopped their death would be certain as they were only 10 and 12 years old.

Great-Grandfather André and Grandfather Léon: Out of the many people sent to live in the ghetto, André and Léon were out of the few that would survive the brutal conditions. This would not erase the memory of seeing thousands being murdered, and losing their own wife and mother.

Grandfather Thierry: Although only a little boy at the time of his family's ordeal, he still remembers clearly everyone and everything he saw during this time. He lived in Theresienstadt with a surrogate Jewish family who posed him as their own son so that he would not be sent to an orphanage where his death would be certain. Thierry contracted typhus, but miraculously recovered.

Great-Uncle Georges: Although only 12 years old during this time, he had the muscular build of a teenager. When he was sent to Auschwitz after the Gestapo broke down his door, rather than being sent to the gas showers where the children went, he was allowed work. When Auschwitz was liberated, 12 year old Georges was barely alive. He was able to recover physically and went on to live his life.

Great-Aunt Anneliese "Lies": Lies was a college student in the south of France when she got news of her parents murder and sibling's capture. Fearing for her own safety, she was able to go to a convent and was miraculously never caught.

Friend Sofia Sofia was a ten year old girl from Russia who had witnessed her brothers, sisters, and parents get murdered before she was sent to Auschwitz. On the train there, she was able to use her few French skills to be able to converse with the only other little girls smashed in the train with her-Cosette and Anne. The three became very close friends, and Sofia was fortunate to be among the few that were liberated by the Russians. Since she had no parents to go back to, she lived with Anne and Cosette with their uncle who was like a second father to them. He loved having Sofia around, because he missed having Elouise and Nathalie around too. She went on to live a very happy life, and continued to be best friends with Anne and Cosette, which couldn't be said the same about her siblings and best friend/cousins, Eva and Abraham.


To all my other cousins, friends, and family members who were killed, I think of you all everyday and hope you are enjoying eternal bliss where you belong.

it's THE song!

La seconde nous avons entendu cette chanson, nous avons su que le c'était le l'un! Je ne sais pas pourquoi je ne l'ai pas pensé à avant. Mais il fait juste mon oscillation de coeur et je l'aime autant de plus alors ces autres chansons. Un bon choix?



i feel like a dork but it makes me cry! i can't wait to dance with him to this.

my careers...

I am going to be an adoption agent (i guess that would be the English word?) in a few months. I am very very excited and it is something I have always wanted to do. But of course there are a million other jobs I would like as well. Here are some of them:

Professional Smeller


i have a really keen sense of smell.
Rue des Rosiers smells like fresh rugelach, latke, and olive oil.
Paris in general smells like the fresh flowers in Mathieu's shop and champagne.
My bedroom smells like J'adore Dior
My grandmother's village smells of grapes and fresh air.
Jeffrey smells like Brooklyn, which smells like pizza and rye and some sort of sewage. Jeffy says it smells like reality. He's weird. I smell everything and I am very good at telling what flowers and spices are in perfumes and such. I can also tell what smells bad and good, which would make me a very good smeller.

Matchmaker

Speaking of Jeffrey, his girlfriend Monique was over for entrée last night. Can you say awkward? She doesn't speak English first of all, Jeffrey can barely speak French...haha, we all pretty much shut Jeffrey out of the conversation. Needless to say they are no longer seeing each other. Know any good Jewish girls that look like shiksas? hehe. I love the Millionaire Matchmaker show, and I am being a matchmaker for Jeffrey right now. I love what Patti Stanger says about the "Jewish Spinner" myth. SO true! haha, all these dorky Jew boys want a petite little perfect Jewish girl that just doesn't exist. I am trying to pull Jeffrey out of that. So far I am not doing so well, but i am staying optimistic. haha.

Stylist



To prevent fashion tragedies such as this. Enough said.

Makeup Artist


I don't wear makeup anymore, but it used to be like my art, painting on all my stuff. it was fun! but it's a little too time consuming now. I'll get back into it when I have to.

Groupie


Who wouldn't love to hang out with bands all the time? Then I realized that most of them are grungy and gross and would try to violate me :)

I'm not sure what this is titled as...

But I really wanted to be married to a really conservative Jew, then we could move back to the Holy Land and I could raise our many beautiful children. PSH! Just about the opposite of what's happening now!

Weekend stuff/ photography

GOOOOD MORNING!
here is the thing with my cousin Jeffrey. he never sleep. i do not know what is wrong with the boy. gah. having a "brother" is quite strange. he smells all boyish and it is interfering with mine and my sister's lovely floral scent. plus he has dreadlocks, who knows what is hiding in those. he already has found a French girlfriend! I mean, my other cousin Thierry stayed with us for awhile, but he is more of a girl than a boy so that doesn't count (lol)

so this weekend we went to visit my grandparents Wendy and Thierry. they live in Beaumes-de-Venise which is a very lovely little town in wine country, not too far from Avignon. a lot of my family was there, it was a grande old time! we went to Avignon Saturday, just for the heck of it. I took lots of nice pictures with my cousin's very nice camera. Here are some photos for you (i did Angélique's makeup, doesn't she look so old? sorry if they turn out very big!):


Angélique scratching her nose all lovely like.
(its a camera illusion to make them look short...or her tall! clever clever)

I skillfully took this while riding a bike...bravo to me!

Angélique posing in my awesome boots that she has stolen

Olivier, Cedric, and some creepy boy

the back of Nathalie's head, Aurélie (my pregnant cousin) and her husband Jérôme.
i think i have a future in photography...not.

also i have a question, which version of Falling Slowly do you like better? It might be the song...


have a good week.

music!

Do you love music? of course you do! do you love it as much as me? Of course you don't! haha. i love music! it is one of the greatest things in the world. it has the ability to bring forth every possible emotion you have. Here are some of my absolute all time favourites that you have to check out, if you are a poor soul and haven't already (this is not a blog that should be read without the speakers turned up!):

Under the Bridge by the Red Hot Chili Peppers CLICK:
An all time classic for all of you '90s fans such as myself. It's a song that everyone can relate to. I mean, who hasn't felt "under the bridge" at some point? The words came straight from Anthony Kiedis's diary (who, ehem, looks quite nice in this video...), and you can really feel his pain in the lyrics. It's all about how you feel depressed and lonely, but once you go to your special place everything is all right. It's a personal song that I always listen to when I'm feeling a little down. The chorus is my favourite part. I have to belt it!

Glosoli by Sigur Ros CLICK
Ok, nobody understands what they are saying unless you are actually from Iceland, but still, just listening to it makes me get chills, and the video is a work of art. It reminds me of Jacob's hometown in New Zealand, which is all sky and land. So beautiful. And who doesn't love the sort of Peter Pan-esque story line of the video? Anna Beem, my friend Claire's sister is in it. Brunette girl who kisses the boy in the grass...also at the end. I will eternally be a fan of this spectacular band.

Loser by Beck CLICK
Another one of those weird '90s goodies. Anyone who knows me when I was younger knows that, well, I myself embraced Loserdom. This song was my theme song, and I still know alllll the lyrics. What can I say, "I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?" :)

What if God was One of Us by Joan Osborne CLICK
For anyone who is religious, this song makes you think. With lyrics like "If God had a name...what would it be?" and "What if God was one of us...Just a slob like one of us" Joan Osborne rocks it out. A beautiful, beautiful song, and while Joan got a little heat for it, it's definitely a classic.

The Music from Across the Universe click here...and here...once more!
I really really loved the movie Across the Universe. And I really really loved how they take a classic Beatles song and put a modern, beautiful rendition on it. The links to my favourites are above, but I also love Bono's Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds and Happiness is a Warm Gun.

You'll Be In My Heart by Phil Collins CLICK
Aw, Tarzan is great. This is my special song for my favourite little person. I think of her fondly every time I hear this...

Whole Lotta Love by Led Zepplin CLICK
Okay, so all I have to do is listen to the very first part (duh duh duh duh duhhh) and I freak out! There is only one volume for this song: MAXIMUM

Fix You by Coldplay
Another one of those lighter over the head songs. so pretty. Coldplay puts on an amazing concert! Whenever I have a bewildered friend, I always want to sing this song to them :) Everyone understands the lyrics! I like the video as well.

One by U2 CLICK
One of those songs that makes me wanna change the world! It totally sends the message that we are all ONE! Love love love. Bono is amazing. U2 is amazing. I love all their songs. ONE LOVE!

One Summer's Day by Joe Hisaishi CLICK
A love piano music. and this is my favourite piano song to play. it's like i'm sucked into some other world after playing the first keys. SO pretty. and I love the movie it is from too, it's my sister's favourite.

Photograph by Def Leppard CLICK
I love it, what can i say? Taylor Swift covered this song. I like the original better though. A sing along song!

There are so many more, i might just have to do a part II! but for now I hope you enjoyed :)

Gymnastics...

if you've ever met my sister you know that gymnastics is her life. like, really her life. she wakes up every morning at four in the morning to be at the gym by five. she stays there until about noon for dinner, then goes back and doesn't come home till after sundown for entrée. She loved her school but gave it up so that she can focus more on gymnastics (she gets tutored a few hours a day with a few other girls). she used to not have to work on Saturdays because it's Sabbath, but her coach made her go in today. Everyone was pretty peeved, but Angélique went anyways. So I went to pick her up, and she's practicing this new vault called a 1 1/2 twisting Yurchenko, where she rounds off onto the springboard and twists 1 1/2 times in the air. so, she didn't get her twist all the way around, and she totally lands on the side of her ankle and looks like she completely dislocates her knee. she was okay, but it freaked me out because she already has a back and ankle injury. i hate her coach so much, the best French gymnast currently is one of Angélique's friends, Youna Dufournet. If you ever watch any videos of her, you see herself nearly kill herself like 20 times. He makes the girls do things beyond their level, even though it's incredibly dangerous. I just do not want my sister to end up like one of these girls in the video. She looks up to them. Elena Mukhina and Nedezhda Ivanova of Russia, Sang Lan of China, Sabina Cojocar of Romania...these are the girls my sister looks up to, and all of their dreams ended tragically. all that work for nothing. i don't want that for my sister.

La planification d'une noce.

J'ai la robe. J'ai le lieu. Tous qui est parti sont une chanson. Que pensez-vous? Je ne peux pas attendre mars troisième!

These past few weeks since we moved up the wedding date have been crazy. We've mailed out all the invitations, I got my dress, it looks like this:


I also bought some EXTREMELY high heels, i could break my ankle in them! they make me about 5'2" tall!

Now, for this part, I need your help! Jacob and I have a million of "Our Songs," but these are our top five. Which one should we have our first dance to? Not that we will use exactly what one you want, but still it is nice to have opinions. So listen to a bit of each and please let me know! Thanks. (Oh, playlist is on the side of the blog, by the way!)



-Mils

Changed the title of my blog.

I was watching the movie "Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain yesterday. I love that movie! It makes me feel special to be among fabulous other Amélie's like Amélie Poulain. I have a poster of it in my bedroom. Anyways, I had begun to think, Hmmm, what is the fabulous destiny of Amélie Prideux? You shall find out by reading my blog...dundundun.
I have spoken in English all day today. Usually I never do, unless I throw in a random English word when speaking to my grandmother just to please her. I type a lot in English though, as you can tell. I've even gone as far as referring to people in less French names. I'm Amelia again, Angélique is "Angie" (hehe, she doesn't like it), i'm calling my mother Mom instead of Maman, and even throw in a Matilda instead of Mathilde. I can't think of anything good to call my father except "Dad." Jacob today is now Jacques though. Just cause. I'm hyper right now, I need to settle in and get to sleep.

School starts soon. Bleck!

We aren't very far into the New Year...

And i'm already failing at my resolutions! ugh! Another reason why I hate the New Year!

1. keep a positive attitude at all times! HA. That is easier said than done! i have been quite pessimistic and sassy as my family likes to say, haha.
2. try to become fluent in Italian Hmmm, i wrote a few italian sentences on my blog yesterday!
3. eat less sweets and more healthy foods I went to the market yesterday to buy some fresh produce, but I got distracted by these lovely little cakes, so i bought some of those instead!
4. become a better chef I made delicious escargot with garlic butter and wine, but that's about it.
5. spend lots of time with family i'm not sure why this is a resolution, i am always around them.
6. maintain weight around 93 lb I want to keep my Body Mass Index around 19-20, but i've been overeatting lately, and my goodness, I have gained ten pounds since last week when i was 90 lb! I weighed about 41 kg last week, and then today i weigh about 45 kg. rawr, i need to start walking Louise more.

but, i am succeeding in one resolution that i forgot to include. i am playing the piano much more and have even learned Joe Hisaishi's One Summer's Day from Spirited Away (see my music playlist on the side of the blog)

Hope your resolutions are succeeding more than mine :)

Amélie