haha

yikes, i do not think i'll be sleeping before 3 for these nine months! i babysat Prune and Capucine this morning while her parents were busy. love those girls :)

Prune est tellement mignon. Elle me permet toujours faire ses cheveux. Capucine commence à gurgle et à rire et à être un bébé cute chubby ainsi. Une fois que j'ai Capucine au lit j'ai dit Prune que je suis enceinte avec trois bébés peu nouvelles. Elle a dit "Qui est le Papa" ? J'ai essayé ne pas à rire et je l'ai dit «Jacob, bien entendu!» Elle avait l'air vraiment confuse. Elle a commencé à parler d'eux sont des filles, et je l'ai dit Prune, que se passe-t-il si j'ai trois garçons ? Elle dit "vous ne pouvez pas avoir trois garçons, Capucine et j'ai besoin d'un jeune fille de meilleur ami à jouer avec!" et je l'ai dit "Que sur le bébé Emaline et Mathieu?" et elle dit ", que bébé ne vivre voisine de moi" et je l'ai dit "ce un ne soit". Elle a pensé pour un certain temps et a décidé que tous les bébés et elle pourraient être amis ensemble. J'imagine que si j'ai des garçons qu'ils sont probablement va être harcelant Prune, lorsqu'elle est ancienne. Elle va être une belle fille.

when their parents got home Prune wanted to see Louise so I took her over there to play with her, and Soul Meets Body was on the radio. Prune made me find the music video so she could watch it a million times in a row. For being four, little Plum has excellent taste in music. i've tought her well :) she also said that "Ben Gibbard is such a dream man!" and she keeps singing the lyrics in English, which is like the first English she knows, i felt like this makes me a really great babysitter.

i'll probably be blogging a lot lately

just 'cause i have to VENT! i was finally able to sleep last night, and i slept gooooood. at the synagogue today i talked to a lady who is a obgyn and she was saying how since i'm tiny and i'll have three babies shoved up me i'll probably end up having a c-section pretty early and will probably have to be on bedrest for some time too. fun stuff. also, my boobs have gotten bigger, which fails because it's making my back ache worse. ugh.
but it's not so much the physical stuff as it is the emotional stuff. a lot of people don't understand why i would want three boys, even though they know my situation. if i had a girl, it would be like me just reliving what i'm missing out on with my other daughter. doing her hair, going shopping with her, those are all things i was supposed to have done already! i know i'll probably be tested and will end up having three girls, but i don't know...i'd be lying if i didn't say it would be hard for me. i know i'm just selfish, but meh, can't i be just until they arrive? until you've been through an adoption, especially a closed one, you just can't really understand what it's like. this pregnancy makes me keep thinking "maybe i could've done it..." but i know in reality i couldn't have...okay, maybe i could have. but would it really have been the best thing for her? all she needs is love after all, and i could have given it to her. she deserves what she is getting right now. but i can imagine us walking down the street, hand in hand, her precious black curls matching mine. i bet she has the perfect life, one i couldn't have given her. i wonder what she'd think of having three new siblings. ohhhh i'm hurting.

at this moment

i am laying in bed, holding my belly, thinking of the three little things growing inside me. i'd like three little boys. in another lifetime i would want daughters. scott weiland's voice is the only thing keeping me calm right now, seriously.


i'm going to see if i can sleep tonight, goodnight.

um.

i've definitely have been throwing up in the mornings.
and today i definitely had to leave class after somebody mentioned raw meat.
but i definitely just lost my virginity a few weeks ago.
and i have been on birth control for years.
so i don't get my periods, and it's supposed to be 99.9% effective...
but i'm really tired and crampy and all i want is some greasy food adlfkjdlakj

yeah. didn't see this one coming. i'm taking a pregnancy test tomorrow. even though i can't be pregnant. it's good to put my mind at ease.

Wake up call!

First of all, happy birthday to Ashley :)

Soo. I went shopping with my sister today. It was fun...but kind of a realization for me. I realized today that my baby Angélique is no longer a baby.

Ok, first of all she is wearing this little dress which was so cute and chic on her, but then she's also wearing these high heels (she refuses to wear any other shoes but heels) that make her legs look miles long. plus makeup, because she begged me. she looked like she was my age! i wanted to cry. so we're walking down the street and she's getting double takes by men my age and older! i wanted to shout at them "SHE IS ONLY TWELVE!" and i kept telling her "when we get home you are taking your makeup off and no more heels for you!" but she just laughed at me. you could tell she was loving this! when we got near the house i actually did make her go put on ballet flats because i couldn't stand her being taller than me. but then we went out to this café, and this man comes in and he was maybe about 30 or something, really handsome though. he walks past her and whispers in her ear and she starts doing this little giggle. i was like "ALOUETTE WHAT DID HE SAYYYYY!!!!!" but she wouldn't tell me! he definitely said something about her being beautiful though. gosh, she isn't supposed to be a woman until December! we used to call her the coquette in training, and it looks like our predictions are correct because she is becoming a bit of a coquette already. even though she's short she looks a lot older than her age, but still, men should not be looking at her...but anyways, that's it for today.

hmm.

these two parts from paris je t'aime...just make me feel. i do not know. i felt like sharing. the first part has always touched me, especially because my mother used to sing me that lullaby. i've always liked the second part since i'm from le marais but watching it again just makes me love it more.





yay for the best movie ever

The Wedding!

Well, I know not everyone could make it to the wedding. so i'll recount it on here. It's really early in the morning...I think. Well, Jacob is sleeping and it's still dark outside. My time is so messed up that i don't even know what's going on right now, but i think i just slept for a really long time and before Jacob wakes and we go explore Turkey I figured i'd pay my internet friends a visit and inform you about the wedding. sit back and relax cause it'll be long.

So, we'll begin with the night before. We all rode to my grandmother's house in the country where we decided earlier that we'd be married in their local synagogue. it was the perfect setting for a wedding- NOT! well, i mean, it was really pretty, but it was still pouring rain which was no fun. Everyone sort of went their separate ways at that point, we had a small rehearsal dinner which was nice, and then i had to say goodbye to Jacob. We had a big all girls sleepover at my grandmother's house. We ate lots of fattening foods and my grandmother decorated me with henna. it's a Persian tradition, and my great-grandmother Leila taught my grandmother Wendy, who taught me, and so if I ever have a daughter i'll be sure to teach her how to henna too and i'll be doing it for her wedding. My hands and feet were so pretty looking :) that's another part of the wedding- we involved all the cultures of our families, the Persian traditions, the American traditions, the French traditions, the Jewish traditions, the English traditions, the Maori/New Zealand traditions... So We listened to crazy music and then the older women left and the younger ones watched one of my all time favorite movies- Paris Je t'aime!! The people who hadn't seen it before were saying "Ah, we are going to have enough sappy romance tomorrow, why watch this movie?" but they didn't realize that the amazingness of Paris Je'taime is that it's about all types of love, not just a romantic love. everyone who hadn't seen it loved it :) my cousin Nathalie made special avocado face masks for everybody, but then Aurélie was like "EVERYBODY SHUT UP FOR ONE SECOND!!!" so we all looked at her, and she was clutching her stomach! we all pretty much started screaming and calling her husband and getting her into a car. the baby wasn't supposed to come till April! Her husband came and got her and then they went to the hospital (turns out it was just a false alarm). So we had a nice time that evening, although I was still really ill and we stayed up way too late. Nathalie woke up at about 9 am and shouted and started shaking everyone because we forgot to set an alarm clock! how dumb. Everyone was freaking out over me, shaving my legs and tweezing my eyebrows and curling my hair. I was sooo sick. I felt like i was hit by a truck, so they gave me a bunch of pills (haha, luckily it did not turn out like the wedding in Sixteen Candles! oh my gosh) Lots of fluff and commotion, and somehow i made it into my dress. My mother and grandmothers came in sometime at that point and i'm pretty sure my grandmother was hung over, but they were all crying except my mother who was actually getting angry at me for not taking medicine the day before, haha. Some more old women who i'm not really sure of came in and blessed me and pinched my cheeks like they do. Then we all hopped into the car, running from the rain, and a nice man drove us to the place. Everyone was acting really strange and nervous, but i wasn't. i really just wanted it over with. When i came out of the car I started to run, but my freaking six inch heel snapped! i completely twisted my ankle! I screamed and almost fell in the mud, haha, but then all the ladies screamed louder and caught me.

So I went to this back room until everyone was situated with my sister and sweet little Prune who was the flower girl. I curled her hair into blonde little ringlets and pinned her ring of flowers on her head- she was soooo adorable! she definitely stole the show. so when the time came i had to of course do my walk down the aisle. the traditional Jewish music played and out i came! Everyone was crying which for some reason made me want to laugh really hard, so i had a really strange facial expression because i was trying to contain myself from busting a gut. My dad walked me down the aisle. So when I saw Jacob for the first time it was pretty much the "fairy tale" moment of the whole wedding, he looked so happy and i felt so happy and i almost cried because he almost cried...it was cute. but then i noticed he was wearing a yarmulke? haha, i was so confused from where he got that. so the ceremony went on, we said our vows and my favorite part that i have been dreaming about since i was little... everyone shouted MAZEL TOV! Jacob successfully smashed the wine glass with his foot (we were a bit worried) and we kissed, yay! Then the music played us out and when we were walking down the steps i twisted the same ankle again, and so i shouted out a curse word in English and the few people that heard gasped, haha. so Jacob had to carry me to the car, and needless to say i tossed those magical six inch heels out the window.

The best part i knew would be the reception. i just really wanted to let loose and dance the night away and eat lots of good food. so before we did that we needed our pictures, and this wonderful photographer guy that was friends with my cousin comes with a little digital camera! ("I'll be sure to make you an awesome cd of your pictures!") haha, it was ok though, he was sweet. so then we went to the reception area where everyone was and so then we ate Bamiehs and croquembouche and then my grandmother got us a little piece of cake like they do in America, and we smashed it in each others face. then we had our first dance. first of all, let me say that the DJ was completely nuts in all the best ways, he had a rainbow mohawk and moved like Iggy Pop. He played really great music though. THEN at the end, my grandfather Léon took the microphone to give us the special blessing, but he announced that our special gift was that we are going to have to stay in Paris near the family for the rest of our lives- they got us the apartment across the way above Emaline and Mathieu's! i started crying. It was like a dream! eventually we realized it was really late...people had started kissing us goodbye, until we realized that our DJ was packing up too! but then some of my friends and cousins gave us the idea to go out to a bar because heck we couldn't go home just yet. So we went out to this great music bar there which was filled with people, but it was really fun because you would think that Jacob and I should have been the drunk ones, but no, everyone else was, haha. Jacob did get a little brave though with the help of some bubbly and even went on stage during karaoke and borrowed some nice man's guitar and dedicated a song to me which was sweet and everyone awwwd. he played some of my favorites, heaven by bryan adams and she will be loved by maroon 5. it was nearly morning by that point, most of the people had started scattering, and Jacob and I weren't really sure where we were supposed to go...haha. All of the places were full. So we just sat in the rain for awhile and recounted the wedding and how nice it was. Then the sun was beginning to rise so we went back to my grandmother's and my grandfather Thierry was up so we sat with him and he made us breakfast. i wasn't really tired even though i hadn't slept in forever. Jacob had a cat nap on the couch though.

So our flight left midmorning so we already had everything packed and we got ready for the flight, we kissed our families goodbye and flew over. It's lovely here.

I'm such a lucky girl to be able to find just one person who i love. It's like all of the rough stuff leading up to this wonderful moment was so worth it, worth all the tears and all the pain because now i couldn't be happier. I'm madly in love, I hope the newlywed stage lasts forever and ever.

Thinking of all of you, i'll be back in a few days :) Thanks for all of the blessings!

Love,
Mrs. Amélie Croixet (ah, so weird!)